Embracing the Waiting Room

Shoutout to my therapist. 

Everything was still. The sun crept through my blinds into my room, rising to start a new day. I had turned off my TV. The joyful noise of YouTube is now gone. I was lying under my covers. Just like I did when I was younger, playing hide and seek. I was hiding, and life was seeking.

As a recent graduate who admittedly didn't utilize college to its fullest potential academically, I am struggling to take that next step. Like other college graduates, I envisioned stepping into a world of independence after graduation, complete with a fulfilling career and a Pinterest-perfect apartment. But reality had a different plan. 

Instead, I'm grappling with aimlessness, trapped in a cycle of confusion and doubt. I was shifting between different roles and identities, trying to fit into expectations while simultaneously trying to be uniquely me. 

Full disclosure: these expectations, for the most part, were created by myself. 

The definition of bum is someone or something of poor quality or nature. It is also what I began calling myself. Since I'm living with my mothers, no career, only one interview under my belt, I must be a bum, right?

It was during a session with my therapist that I voiced these feelings, expecting understanding but instead encountering surprise. Then I remembered the previous week when I had been bursting with energy. Excitement radiated off me when I told her my plans to begin my blog and daily yoga progress, even asking someone if I could interview them. 

"You are just in the waiting room of your life," she said, her words a revelation, shock leaving her face and coming onto mine. 

Self-talk, coupled with self-appointed expectations, is what’s bringing me down. Mom, Dad, and friends have all supported me throughout this journey, affirming that the best is yet to come. I've come to understand that there's a profound opportunity for growth and introspection in the waiting room of your twenties. It's not a passive experience but rather an active journey of self-discovery, where societal and familial influences collide with your authentic self. 

As I navigate this waiting room, I realize how discovery takes courage. I force myself to explore outside of my comfort zone, peeling back layers to reveal my passions and strengths. I learn or relive hobbies that bring passion back into my life. I encounter moments of doubt and insecurity, moments when I feel lost and directionless. It's about honoring my truth, embracing my imperfections, and trusting the wisdom of my intuition. 

In this waiting room, I've discovered that self-discovery is a messy yet beautiful process- one that requires patience, resilience, and a willingness to embrace the unknown. As I navigate the twists and turns of my twenties, I do so with a newfound sense of purpose and determination, knowing that the waiting room is just the beginning of a remarkable journey of self-discovery. 

Peace out Girl Scouts.